BEAN:	Hi, this is Bean. Um, I really like being on this podcast, so if you wouldn’t mind watching, that would mean a lot to me. 

I mea—you don’t really watch it, so, um…you know, yeah, you know what I mean. Um, if you wouldn’t mind listening to it…with your ears…if you have ears, I’m aware there are species without ears, I know that…um…tune in to I Should Roll! 

Thanks. I’m gonna go. 

I should’ve said “I should GO”, I’m realizing—hold on. I—I should go. Get it? Cause like, you know…

You’re gonna edit this, right?
VI:	A podcast by the Intergalactic Improv Initiative.
KAYA:	Ride of the Valkyrie, Episode Five: Two Small-Town Colony Kids on Omega. Featuring the voices of Hunter LaPaglia, Leah Ryan, and creator, Kaya Renwick.

Has anyone seen my toothbrush? I need to get into this access hatch…. I Should Roll. 

Two episodes ago on Ride of the Valkyrie, we witnessed Zyn and their companions bartering with the quarian information broker Cipher to obtain her assistance in retrieving the Prothean artifact stolen from The Most Serene Blossom of the Mind’s Dawning. In our last episode, we followed Zyn, Gratch, Titoh, and Kache. On this episode, we rejoin as they leave the hacker den, and we will follow Carver and Bean.
VI:	March 15th, 2184, Terran Universal Coordinated Calendar. Omega Nebula, Sahrabarik System, Omega. Gozu District, Lower Markets.
KAYA:	We are on Omega. The last thing that happened was you guys talked to Cipher about getting some help tracking down Kasumi Goto/the Prothean decision maker, and you haggled her down with Gratch's assistance to fifteen percent of the profit and five thousand credits upfront. So that is what has just happened. As you guys are all leaving Cipher’s hacker den, Bean, your omnitool starts chiming with the priority alert sound.
BEAN:	Ugh, oh God! Um, it's not supposed to do that. I don’t know… 
LEAH:	Um, can I see what the... what the problem is?
KAYA:	Yeah, of course, of course. So you - you pull it up and it starts flashing at you. The Valkyrie’s VI is sending you an urgent message. I assume you open it.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Yeah. Yes.
KAYA: 	Or, like you–you engage the–oh, you said– [same time as HUNTER] nah, whatever…
HUNTER:	[overlapping; teasing] Naw, that's not important. Just spam mail, just swipe it away.
BEAN:	H–hello?
VI:	User alert! User alert!
BEAN:	It's me, I'm the user, what's up?
VI:	[way too happy] MSV Valkyrie in critical condition! MSV Valkyrie in critical condition! User alert! User alert!
KAYA:	And it just keeps repeating.
BEAN:	[mildly panicked exasperation] Can you go into more detail? Vi? Detail report? 
KAYA:	[cackles] Did you just call it “Vi”?
LEAH:	Yeah!
KAYA:	‘Cause it's a VI? I love you. I love you so much. That's–that makes me so happy.
VI:	User alert! User a–[alarm abruptly stops] More detail requested. System error. [alarm starts back up again] Critical failure in reactor systems. Critical failure! Critical failure! 
BEAN:	[overlapping; oh fuck] Ugh, Haar’chak. Ugh. [elongated] I gotta go.
VI: 	Temperature of hull rising! Temperature of hull rising!
BEAN:	[rapidly panicking] Ohh, that's not what we want. Hey guys, I gotta, I got–there's somethin’–ship–and I got–I gotta–we–whew! Umm, I gotta go.
CARVER:	Would you like help?
BEAN:	Are you–are you good with ships? Yeah? Yeah, sure… [alarm beeps briefly] Please.
KAYA:	The others wave you off and you guys take back off through the lower markets to the docking corridor, to where the Valkyrie is parked. Do me a Perception roll.
LEAH:	I–
HUNTER:	Both of us, or?
KAYA:	Up to you, yeah, if you both want to do it, yeah.
LEAH:	Not even in character: I am so stressed.
HUNTER:	[laughs] I can see it. It's like–
KAYA:	Well, if you–if you want, I will let you do that roll at, like, disadvantage because you are so stressed, and, like, not paying attention.
LEAH:	[overlapping; high-pitched in overwhelmed terror] Of course. Sure. Yep. Sounds great. I’ll do it at disadva—
HUNTER:	I got a nineteen.
LEAH:	I just want to say, I rolled a natural twenty, but we're at disadvantage… so it's not happening.
HUNTER:	Oh no.
LEAH:	It is a nine.
KAYA:	Okay, you got a nine. Carver, what’d you get?
HUNTER:	A nineteen.
KAYA:	Okay. Bean, you are just, you are too… too stressed and you're looking at her and your baby is— you can't see anything, but that just means that it's under the hull somewhere, and something's going wrong and you are squirreling. You are jonesin’ hard. You gotta get out there and it–nothing is going to be fast enough: you are about ready to, like, throw yourself out the airlock without an EVA suit to go and find out what's wrong with your baby.
LEAH:	[filled with adrenaline] Cool.
KAYA:	Carver… Nothing appears to be wrong?
HUNTER:	Well, fuck!
KAYA:	There are– you do, you notice there is– there's like, there's somebody in a blue and white hardsuit standing at the end of the Valkyrie’s docking corridor as you come up.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	And they've got, like, their omnitool out and they're like, they're tapping on it and they're just–they're just standing there as you come up. I’d say you're probably–you’re probably maybe like 100 meters, so like thirty yards from him at this point—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—the both of you as you're–I assume you're running up, or at the very least Bean is like full out sprinting [LEAH running exertion noises] and Carver is doing whatever Carver is doing.
HUNTER:	[super blasé] Just leisurely walking, like just no care in the world. [serious] Naw, I’m kidding. I'm—you know—time is of the essence. [giggles] So, yeah, I would say at the very least kind of, like, speed walking.
KAYA:	Sure. Okay. What are you doing, Bean?
LEAH:	Do I notice this man?
KAYA:	Well, he–by the time you get there, yes, because he's standing at the entrance to the docking corridor. It’s a turian. Another turian, a dude, he's wearing this blue and white hard suit. You've been on Omega before, or no? Yeah?
LEAH:	Uh, no.
KAYA:	No? 
LEAH:	I don’t think so.
KAYA:	How much have you been off Invictus?
LEAH:	Um, I have been to a lot of, like, the outer…places. 
KAYA:	Okay.
LEAH:	So I've been off Invictus, but not–I kind of stay away from, like, the big crowds. The Citadel is probably the biggest thing I've ever been on… It shows.
KAYA:	Okay. I feel like you keep to yourself on the Citadel too. 
LEAH:	Yeah. 
KAYA:	Yeah, okay. How much would you say you—well, how much do you think you've run into merc gangs?
LEAH:	Probably once accidentally where, like, I like had a “an awkward turian walks into a bar” situation and orders a drink not reading the room at all, and then doesn't realize, “Oh, there's like, a whole crime thing going on here. Cool, cool, cool.”
KAYA:	[overlapping] Right. 
LEAH:	Just gonna awkwardly scooch out of the room.
KAYA:	Like those stories where somebody walks into a restaurant that's totally empty and it's like a mafia front, but they don't know? Yeah, yeah.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Literally! Literally that, Bean’s done that.
KAYA:	Can you roll me a d6 please?
HUNTER:	Just picturing Bean like walking in like, everybody's in the back in a speakeasy and she's just ringing the bell at the counter like “I want a drink!” Like nobody’s coming.
LEAH:	There's just one lone light bulb lit, hanging in the middle of the room. Oh God, I rolled a three. [DM have mercy]
KAYA:	Okay. You do not recognize the hard suit in question. It's just—it's blue and white and it's got, like, a ‘circle-y’ thing on the front sort of deal. 
LEAH:	Okay.
KAYA:	And yeah, this turian—he's got pretty, like, a dark brown plate, almost black, like, really dark mocha brown and has the standard Cipritinian markings, the white ones that like Sparatus and them have, the really standard—bog-standard “BioWare slapped this basic texture on half the turians in the game and called it a day.” Nothing special. Green eyes, white markings. He looks up as you’re coming and says,
MERC:	This your ship?
BEAN:	[with deep trepidation] Yeah?
MERC:	We're an outfit that's–we keep the district safe, and we got a…we got an alert that your ship was having a mechanical failure ‘cause it’s attached to our docking clamp, and so we've come in and we've fixed up the situation but, um… We need to have, we need to have some— a chat with you.
BEAN:	Wait, hold on, back–you fixed what?! What? Do you? [enraged] Show me where you touched her.
MERC:	[unfazed] Ma'am, your ship was on fire.
BEAN:	[nervous and afraid] Um. Okay.
MERC:	We put that fire out. 
BEAN:	[utterly cowed] Okay. 
MERC:	You're welcome. 
BEAN:	[regaining a smattering of confidence] Okay, wait—which part was on fire?
KAYA:	I'm going to need you to give me an Insight check here.
LEAH:	Okay. It is a natural one. 
HUNTER:	Oh no…
KAYA:	Oh my God, of course it is. This could not be going better for you.
LEAH:	I have a plus four though so–
KAYA:	[mildly apologetic glee] It’s still a crit fail! And if anybody in this campaign knows about crit fails, [singsong] I think it's Hunter.
HUNTER:	[with mock offense] Okay, now we didn't need to bring it up. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. [KAYA giggling] I was thinking it. I was thinking “Man, the two characters that keep rolling crit ones get together. What could go wrong?”
KAYA:	There you go. There you go.
LEAH:	I rolled a natural twenty, but it was at disadvantage and now here we are. 
HUNTER:	[laughing] Oh no…
KAYA:	Yeah, yeah, that’s just how it's gonna go.
LEAH:	We're really setting the tone.
KAYA:	Yeah, exactly. But you ask what part was on fire and and and he says– 
MERC:	Your port exhaust manifold, ma’am. It was very, very much on fire. Seems like you've got an aftermarket afterburner on there, I would think? In any case, you know, if this weren't Omega—
KAYA:	And he gives you a wink.
MERC:	You know, we'd probably have to run you in for contravening traffic laws. But you know, it’s Omega so… What do you say, you know, you just pay the fees and… you’ll be on your way?
BEAN:	[relieved] Oh, I’m so glad the laws are different on Omega, that’s so great to hear! Oh my goodness, okay!
KAYA:	Carver, if you want to do Insight too you are welcome to, ‘cause you are standing here hearing all of this.
HUNTER:	I was just about to ask because I… I don’t know, it sounds sketchy to me. It’s sounding like a rundown.
KAYA:	[overlapping; deeply sarcastic] Something on Omega is sketchy? [elongated] No…couldn’t be….
HUNTER:	Soundin’ like a–well, yeah. Sounds like that one guy when you go into Goodneighbor for the first time–
LEAH:	[overlapping] Yep!
HUNTER:	–in Fallout 4 and he’s like [vaguely NYC gangster] “You gotta pay us for protection!” [normal voice] and then Hancock comes over and is like [same accent] “Whaddaya doin’?” [back to normal] or whatever. Yeah, I’ll roll. I’ll roll. [mischievous] What you’re saying is I should roll.
KAYA:	[amused] Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
LEAH:	You should roll!
HUNTER:	You said Insight, right?
KAYA:	Yeah, Insight.
HUNTER:	Uh… I don’t have any plus, okay. Thirteen!
KAYA:	Okay. Yeah, that is high enough that you can tell that something is off about this guy. For one, so we said in an earlier episode that you spent at least some time around the shipyards on Arvuna.
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	Because you were able to recognize that Bean cared about their ship, okay, you know enough to know… that that’s an open atmosphere dock and there is no atmosphere. There wouldn’t be an open fire.
HUNTER:	Yeah.
LEAH:	Oh shit, that’s a good point.
KAYA:	Yeah. And so it's like, something could catch fire, but it would be like on the interior of the pressurized ship and like, unless they have hacked into the ship and—if it was a port exhaust manifold… that's an exterior part. 

So like—but that said, you don't have a good view of the Valkyrie from this—like you can't see the port exhaust manifold from here. I would also say that you probably don't know all of the Valkyrie’s, like, specs.
HUNTER:	Like inner workings and stuff?
KAYA:	Yeah. And so maybe like… these parts aren't adding up for you… but you don't know enough about the Valkyrie itself to say “No, this is bull.” Okay? But something is not adding up here.
HUNTER:	Okay, I'm going to kind of like… wiggle my way into the conversation and—do we know the turian's name, or no? 
KAYA:	No.
HUNTER:	Okay. I'm just gonna wiggle in, you know, as Carver does. Hopefully not, you know, falling on his face this time. 
CARVER:	Um, hello! Excuse me. Um, can I speak to my colleague for a second?
MERC:	Yeah, sure, sure.
CARVER:	Okay, thank you! Um–
HUNTER:	So I’m going to pull Bean to the side and basically call the guy’s bluff but—
BEAN:	But what? [mumbles in confusion]
CARVER:	Um, excuse me, Bean. Um–
BEAN:	Mm hmm?
CARVER:	I was listening to the conversation…
BEAN:	Mm hmm.
CARVER:	I don't believe this chap is up to code if you catch my meaning. I know we're on Omega, but listen. I think he's lying to us. I don't know enough about your ship to call him out, so I need you to back me up in case things go bad, okay?
BEAN:	Okay. Yeah—wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
CARVER:	Uh–
BEAN:	Real, real quick… uh… what code is he supposed to be up to?
CARVER:	Pardon?
BEAN:	Never mind, I will back you. Let's go.
CARVER:	Oop. Cool. Good. Great.
HUNTER:	So I'm gonna just kind of like, do the classic just, like, thumbs up… and turn around as if they guy can’t hear everything we’re saying. So I’m gonna turn around—
CARVER:	Excuse me, sir, you seem like the type to know a lot about the inner goings-on. Uh—
BEAN:	[interrupting enthusiastically] Yeah!
CARVER:	–I… [acknowledging interruption] Thank you. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to call your bluff, so to speak. 
BEAN:	[overlapping] We're calling it!
CARVER:	It–It’s bullshit. Yes, as my colleague said, “calling it”. Um, so this is clearly a rundown of some sorts and I will not stand for it.
BEAN:	[he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit] It’s a rundown! We're not standing! We're laying down!
KAYA:	Alright, you need to make a Persuasion roll of some sort.
HUNTER:	Yeah, I got good on Charm so I'm–
KAYA:	Okay.
HUNTER:	Yeah, here we go. Fourteen.
KAYA:	The turian watches you–and he's like a solid foot taller than you–
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Oh, too easy. Short king, baby–
KAYA:	–well, yeah, no, I know, I know. So he looks down at you and he thinks about this. And then he very nonchalantly checks his omnitool. And then looks back at you and flicks his eyes over to Bean and says, 
MERC:	Alright. We can do this one of a few ways. You can pay me. I can take your ship. Or… I can kill you both. What's it going to be?
CARVER:	Could I have another second with my colleague? Uh, if you would.
KAYA:	[trying not to laugh] I'm not even gonna see–he's not even gonna react. You just, like, yank Bean out of the way ‘cause that's too funny.
[HUNTER & LEAH chuckling]
CARVER:	Um, Bean, I wouldn't like to, you know, to lie down and take this so I don't want to pay him. I don't want him to take your ship. And I'm not above exchanging a few blows—you know, fisticuffs—I'm ready if you are.
BEAN:	Yeah, well, here's the thing: I don't have money. He sure as hell ain’t takin’ my ship because first of all, he'll crash her and she'll fall apart without me on… board… So, like, honestly, it's stupid that he thinks he could in the first place. He’ll get himself blown up to pieces—to smithereens.
HUNTER:	So I'm just going to give another, like, little ‘thumbs up’ and I'm just gonna–can I like just start out and just turn around and just try to fuckin’ nail him right in th jaw—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Surprise attack?
HUNTER:	—yeah.
KAYA:	[with a terrifying DM smile] How far away were you having this conversation and how quiet were you trying to be?
HUNTER:	Oh… um… [chuckles sheepishly] I didn't think about that–
LEAH:	Like the two like not self-aware people–
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah, not at all.
LEAH:	[chuckling] –in the group.
HUNTER:	Probably really close, but I would like to think I was trying to be quiet?–
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay, then–
HUNTER:	–but–
KAYA:	–I need a–
LEAH:	[overlapping] We were ‘whisper shouting’.
KAYA:	–I need a Stealth roll from both of you, please.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Stealth check. [lamenting] No, not again. Last time I did this, it didn't turn out well.
KAYA:	[amused] Yeah, this went great last time.
HUNTER:	Alright.
LEAH:	Dear dice, please.
HUNTER:	[chuckles] Thirteen.
LEAH:	Oh, tw—it's dirty. It's a dirty, filthy little twenty, but it's a twenty.
KAYA:	Okay. As you–Bean, how are you turning to this–what is your first move here? Because I know that Carver wants to turn around and try to slug this guy. What is Bean doing?
LEAH:	Uh, do I see Carver start to initiate the slug?
KAYA:	Up to Carver.
HUNTER:	Yeah, I'm going to [giggles] so [more giggles] going back to my [LEAH giggling] thumbs up, I'm gonna give it a little wink too, and then while the thumb is up I'm gonna turn around and just try to upper cut him right in the jaw. Like in one in one fluid motion. So I'd say yeah, yeah, you see it.
LEAH:	If I see it coming, I would like to really quickly just, like, react, and like put this guy in a Stasis so he can't brace. It's like the ultimate sucker punch— 
HUNTER:	Yeah! 
LEAH:	—because he can't brace for impact or, like, do anything. So I just kind of like, flick my fingers and I'm like [effort noises] panic. Panic Stasis.
KAYA:	Okay. Okay—yep. I can—yep, we can work with this. Okay, that's…it's a real good thing you did, ‘cause—
[LEAH grimaces] 
HUNTER:	Oh no. [stifled chuckles]
KAYA:	—because he's already got his gun out.
HUNTER:	[elongated] Oh.
KAYA:	And is definitely, like, aiming it at Carver's torso. Yeah, so: good call.
HUNTER:	Thank you. 
[HUNTER & KAYA laughing]
LEAH:	What can I say.
KAYA:	5d6 for your dice pool, for this hit.
HUNTER:	Five… Okay, yeah. Alright, big money, no whammies. I had two threes. I had two—I had one six, and I had a one and a two. So one six.
LEAH:	Let's go.
KAYA:	You have done six damage to him.
HUNTER:	Okay. O… 
KAYA:	Because you get six damage with a—yeah. And so that's—but that, that's good. So that breaks the Stasis…
LEAH:	[overlapping] Oh—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay—
KAYA:	[have no fear, valiant players] —but… but so you're aiming–you were aiming for his head? You were giving him an uppercut?
HUNTER:	Yeah. Right in the jaw.
KAYA:	Okay, so he staggers back—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—and is no longer directly aiming his gun at your chest.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	You two have both done your surprise round, so we are now going to roll initiative.
LEAH:	Seven.
HUNTER:	[counts] Twelve.
KAYA:	Okay.
LEAH:	Yeah, and Carver was, you know, uppercutting from below. So you know he had, like, locked onto that chin.
HUNTER:	Yeah.
LEAH:	For sure.
HUNTER:	And I got like–
LEAH:	[overlapping] For sure.
HUNTER:	—a foot difference. So I had—I had like if we were the same height and I was trying to uppercut, I wouldn't have—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oh yeah—
HUNTER:	—enough, like—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oh yeah—
HUNTER:	–momentum, you know, going behind it—
LEAH:	[overlapping; agreeing] No way!
HUNTER:	—cause I'm shorter. I, like, ‘Mario’d’ it. I like…
[LEAH laughs]
KAYA:	It's true, it’s true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
LEAH:	Oh, I can just hear the—the ‘coin’ sound [KAYA cackling, LEAH laughing] just bing! Just… [mumbles quietly]
KAYA:	Okay, Carver, you are armoured, correct?
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	Bean, you specifically said you did not wear your armour out. You only wore your jacket. 
LEAH:	[mistakes were made] I—I did say that, huh? I really said that.
KAYA:	You did say that.
LEAH:	Oh, I said that out loud—
KAYA:	[overlapping] and I know that—
LEAH:	—and I didn’t… Oh—
KAYA:	[overlapping] —because I edited that episode. [chuckling]
LEAH:	[this is fine] Cool.
KAYA:	Yeah. So you have barrier and you have—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Sure.
KAYA:	—Health points, but you do not have Armour points for this combat. Just to—just so that you're aware.
So, we are at the top of the round, and a batarian comes from down the corridor and fires, or like sprays, with an assault rifle towards both of you. Carver is going to get the brunt of it cause he's in front. That's twelve damage to your shields.
HUNTER:	Yippee.
KAYA:	On his heels—on the batarian's heels comes a human also carrying an assault rifle [LEAH makes a pained noise] and he's also—he's doing the same thing, and Carver, you're going to take another four damage to your shields. It is now Carver’s turn. 

And I will say you are in a docking corridor: there is not much for cover. You would have to, like, get into the corridor itself, and the turian buddy is still technically blocking your access. He's in between you and the corridor. And like there's no—there's no cover in there either. But it is, like, you'd be—you'd at least have a corner.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	Yeah, you're basically in a T-junction, where the T goes to the Valkyrie.
LEAH:	Are there walls on the sides of the corridor, or is it like…
KAYA: 	It's an enclosed corridor. It's an enclosed, pressurized corridor. Yeah. So you would hit the door panel—the green door panel—it would open, you guys would go in, and it would close. And yes, they would have they would have to shoot through the windows of the docking bay—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah.
KAYA:	—and the tunnel to shoot through—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay, uh...
KAYA:	—without, like, opening the door.
HUNTER:	So I'm going to get out my—so the first turian, he's still, like, relatively close, right?
KAYA:	He's like, yeah, he's like, right in front of you–
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	—I would say he's probabl—he's still within melee range. He's kind of stumbled back.
HUNTER:	Okay. Damn, I thought I had a shotgun, I don't. I'm gonna get out my AR… Yeah, I'm just gonna pump some shots into him to try to get some distance away. Knock some of his health down.
KAYA:	Okay, what—do you know what type of damage your rifle does, what rifle you have?
HUNTER:	Yes, it's the Argus, and I believe it is…average is what I've got it listed as.
KAYA:	Okay, awesome. Perfect. Okay, so, if you're shooting at him, you're still at—your base is—proficient is 4d6.
HUNTER:	Okay. I've got two threes, a four, and a five.
KAYA:	Okay, so you have done seven damage to this guy’s shields.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	You can move—I will say that you will not incur an attack of opportunity if you move currently, because he's still reeling from your uppercut.
HUNTER:	Reeling back. Okay.
KAYA:	Yeah, and so you do—you can choose to move. Or, you know, bonus action or whatever.
HUNTER:	Okay. I'm going to move a little bit closer back towards Bean. That way, since they're not wearing armour, I can still try to take some of those hits.
KAYA:	Okay, sure.
HUNTER:	So I'm just going to kind of move back.
KAYA:	Okay. Bean, your turn.
LEAH:	Okay. You said the batarian and the human were, like, right next to each other?
KAYA:	Yeah and they're a little, like, they're probably about a hundred meters down the corridor. They were, like, hiding around the next corner, waiting for—to see what their buddy was doing and they're coming out.
LEAH:	What is the range of Singularity?
KAYA:	Let me double check. Your Singularity can be cast within your movement range. So I think—
LEAH:	I'm assuming I cannot move a hundred feet.
KAYA:	No, I think you can probably move thirty.
LEAH:	Okay. So I'm not gonna do what I thought I was gonna do. Just kidding! I am going to take out my pistole and pop off on this guy. This guy who's trying to get my little ship, my little shippy ship. 

So I'm gonna just look at him and go,
BEAN:	Hey!
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay.
BEAN:	—That's! My! Friend! And that's. My! Ship!
LEAH:	And I'm just shooting.
HUNTER:	[chuckes] I'm just picturing like, Sam, when he's climbing the tower in Return of the King and he's like “That’s for my—that's for Mr. Frodo! That's for my ol’ Gaffer!” Just as—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Literally!
HUNTER:	–like ringing off shots. 
[HUNTER & LEAH chuckling]
KAYA:	What kind of damage does your pistol do? You have that written down?
LEAH:	My pistol… I should. It is… I have a Scorpion with four clips; I know I wrote it down on a different version.
KAYA:	Scorpion does… Ah, okay, so it does major damage, but yeah, you only get four shots, and you can only use one shot per thing. So, you know, narratively you're firing more than once, but mechanically you're firing once.
LEAH:	Okay.
HUNTER:	[guffaws] The clicks.
LEAH:	Maybe, like, each word I'm trying to shoot, but like the first one is the only one and then while I'm just like “That’s my friend!” you just hear, like, it clicking in my hand; It's like—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Click, click, click. Yeah—
LEAH:	—[laughing] it's like in those scenes where, like, they shoot like eight rounds and then they keep, like, clicking it, and then they're like “Oh man!” and they just, like, throw the gun to the side. Obviously, I'm not gonna do that, but that's the vibe that we're bringing to– 
HUNTER:	[overlapping] This thing is useless!
KAYA:	[overlapping] Right?!
HUNTER:	—Just throw it away!
LEAH:	[giggling] Yes!
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yep.
LEAH:	4d6. Okay…okay, I have one six.
KAYA:	Mm hmm.
LEAH:	I have two fours.
KAYA:	Okay, you have done… thirteen more damage to this buddy. You have taken out his shields.
LEAH:	Eat it up! Eat it up! Eat it up!
KAYA:	They sizzle and pop!
HUNTER:	Yeah!
KAYA:	Okay, it is now his go.
HUNTER:	Oh!
LEAH:	Oh no! [giggles]
KAYA:	He stumbles back.
HUNTER:	[through laughter] Both of us saying “Oh no!”
KAYA:	He stumbles back, hits the door of the docking corridor. He slaps the panel behind him, and then fires at you guys. Fires at you, Bean, actually, because you just, like, dealt him a pretty nasty shot with your Scorpion.
LEAH:	Yeah, that’s fair.
KAYA:	And so he does four damage to your barrier. 
[BEAN winces] 
KAYA:	And then he turns and he books it toward the Valkyrie because you guys are out of melee range now because Carver, you backed up.
HUNTER:	Gotcha.
KAYA:	So he's running for the Valkyrie. That brings us to the bottom of the order; we're back up to the top: the batarian and the human are approaching. The batarian fires at Carver and he does eleven damage. The human fires at Bean and does four damage.
LEAH:	Okay, is this hitting my shield? Or my barrier?
KAYA:	That—well, that’s, it's hitting your barrier—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—until your barrier is down, it's hitting your barrier—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—just like for Carver it's starting on his shields.
LEAH:	I have three more points to my barrier, just FYI y'all.
HUNTER:	[same boat, bestie] I have four to shields.
KAYA:	It is Carver’s turn.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	And the batarian and the human are probably now at about seventy feet.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	So I'll say they were at one hundred feet, now they're about seventy feet.
HUNTER:	Now they’re at about seventy.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay.
HUNTER:	Ah, so, the turian—you said he was, like, booking it towards the Valkyrie… Is he, like, out of our—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah.
HUNTER:	—like, sight now? Or is he, like, still within…
KAYA:	Uh, no, it's—so the docking corridor is probably about—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—I don't know, fifty feet long sort of deal. They're not terribly long—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Perfect.
KAYA:	—and so he's running down—he hasn't made it to the door yet. I will say that in the batarian—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Gotcha.
KAYA:	—and the human’s turn, the door has closed again, ‘cause those—they never stay open very long.
HUNTER:	Okay, cool. So… also another combat point of clarification—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yep?
HUNTER:	—when it comes to, like, weapons, like—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Mm hmm?
HUNTER:	—if I were to, like, switch weapons, does that count—
KAYA:	[overlapping] That's a bonus action.
HUNTER:	—as like…okay, cool.
KAYA:	Yeah.
HUNTER:	So I can switch and still fire.
KAYA:	Yeah. That's fine.
HUNTER:	Cool.
KAYA:	Yeah. 
HUNTER:	Well, then I'm going to—I'm going to put away my AR for now, then I'm going to pull out—I have a Viper sniper rifle. And I'm going to try to—which… I think that's still average damage as well. Yes. Yeah, that one’s still average.
KAYA:	Okay. Nice.
HUNTER:	So that would be—is that just another 4d6?
KAYA:	Yes.
HUNTER:	Okay. I'm—so I've got the sniper rifle out and I'm going to attempt to hit the turian and as he's trying to book it the other way.
KAYA:	Okay. Are you opening the door first, I assume?
HUNTER:	Oh yeah, you did just say the door was shut.
KAYA:	Yes.
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	Okay. So you're gonna approach—you’re gonna open the door? Okay!
LEAH:	You got this.
KAYA:	Go for it.
HUNTER:	That's a six. That's a four. That's a two, and three. So I got a six and a four.
KAYA:	Okay, so that's seven damage.
HUNTER:	Nice. And so I have…one of my powers is Adrenaline Rush?
KAYA:	Mm hmm.
HUNTER:	Which is to take an extra action on your turn. Can I—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yep.
HUNTER:	—still use that?
KAYA:	Yeah.
HUNTER:	Cool. I want—
KAYA:	[overlapping] ‘cause Adrenaline Rush is a—[wait a second] well, Adrenaline Rush is a bonus action though, isn't it?
HUNTER:	I didn't have that written down. All I wrote down was, “Take an extra action on your turn, I can't use another power while active. Cooldown time, two rounds.” And then I have the second level of it, which is “Cooldown is reduced to one round.”
KAYA:	It is a bonus action, so since you swapped weapons…
HUNTER:	Can’t do it.
KAYA:	You—not this time. Okay.
HUNTER:	Okay! Cool. Well, then, yeah, I believe that's my turn then.
KAYA:	Okay, you do still have some movement left if you want to take off after the guy? Or you can, you can just, up to you—I’m just letting you know, I would say that you were maybe like ten feet from the door. So you probably got—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Twenty feet left, okay.
KAYA:	—twenty feet left or whatever.
HUNTER:	I'm going to stay on the side of the door, that way it closing can provide some kind of cover, off and on?
KAYA:	Okay.
HUNTER:	That way I'm not in the open where all three can shoot me.
KAYA:	Okay, so you are now on the other side of the door from Bean, correct?
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	You are inside the docking—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah.
KAYA:	—corridor.
LEAH:	[Simpsons meme] Oh, I'm in danger. Oh, shit.
KAYA:	Well, Bean, it is your turn—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay!
KAYA:	—so.
HUNTER:	[oh crap] Oh wait, no, I misunderstood that. I'm sorry.
LEAH:	No, it's okay, I'm coming. I'm scooching my little tushy after you. Don't worry, I'm coming.
HUNTER:	Okay, okay. But we'll leave it, we'll leave that. Okay.
KAYA:	[giggles] I'm now imagining, like: Carver smacks the button, pops off a couple of shots with the Viper, and then goes to, like, follow [LEAH laughing] and then went, “Oh, shit!” and turns around and Bean’s like, “I’m coming!”
[HUNTER laughing]
LEAH:	So much, yeah. I was right scootin’ right on through that door. I'mma slap the keypad as I pass it. Like an old friend, just give it a little pat so that bitch slams closed behind me because I don't want to talk to those two back there. And I am also going to switch my [overly French accent] weapon. And I'mma point my…SMG at this—this young man here who thought—who thought he could—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay...
LEAH:	—and maybe he can, but not until we have our fun.
KAYA:	Before you shoot him, I just wanna make sure I understand what you're doing with the door. Are you closing it? Or are you attempting to hack it to lock? Because if you are attempting to hack it to lock, that's an action and a Hacking roll.
LEAH:	Okay, so, I did not know that was an option. Um…
[HUNTER cackles]
LEAH:	I will be doing that. I will be doing that. That sounds like a great idea.
KAYA:	Okay. Okay.
LEAH:	[quietly] Yeah! Yeah!
KAYA:	Okay, so then you are turning, right: “Cover me!” and you're doing like the the kneel by the door—
LEAH:	[singsong ‘boop’ noises] 
KAYA:	—hacking shit—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Yeah! Right!
KAYA:	—so: Hacking roll, please.
HUNTER:	[chuckles] “I'm in.”
LEAH:	[singing] Dice, don't fail me now. 
[HUNTER chuckling] 
LEAH:	Okay, okay, okay, it's a ten? But wait! But wait, we have not done our maths…
HUNTER:	But wait, there's more! 
[KAYA chuckling]
LEAH:	Would that, would that be a Repair?
KAYA:	Is there not a Hacking skill?
LEAH:	[woe is me] Oh no! There is a Hacking skill and I am not good at it! I'm good at Repair! I’m— 
HUNTER:	Oh no!
LEAH:	O-kay, it's an eight.
[fail buzzer sound]
HUNTER:	Oh no....
KAYA:	You pull open the, like— you've got omnitool up to door and you're about to do this and you realise that the interface is in an entirely different alphabet.
LEAH:	[elongated] Oh, tits.
HUNTER:	Oh, no. [laughing]
KAYA:	Letters aren't your strong point to begin with, but are these even letters? What is this shit?!
LEAH:	I really don't like Omega. I'mma be so honest—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Ah, so—
LEAH:	—with y’all.
LEAH:	[dramatic] This place sucks!
HUNTER:	I’mma be so for real: I don't like this place!
LEAH:	Trying to take my ship! They got weird letters! I don't like it! …Watch it just be like Times New Roman font and I'm like, “What is this? What is this? I don’t know…” 
[HUNTER & LEAH melting with laughter]
HUNTER:	[sputtering] Oh my god…
KAYA:	Okay, from outside the—beyond the door you hear gunfire. And then the turian, who is about thirty—so about twenty feet away from the Valkyrie and now about twenty-five, thirty feet away from you guys, he…fires off a few rounds with his assault rifle behind him. None of which hit. 
HUNTER:	Yeah!
KAYA:	And then he gets to the door, and that's his turn. The batarian and the human are busy trying to move. Carver, it's your turn.
HUNTER:	Perfect. Let's see, so he—you said he, he's like about at the door but he hasn't, like, gone in or anything, right?
KAYA:	Yeah. He's at the door. Yeah.
HUNTER:	Okay, cool.
KAYA:	Now, Bean. Bean, do you lock your ship when you leave? [HUNTER laughs; KAYA is amused] Bean is thinking very hard about this.
LEAH:	[here we go again] Bean is very trusting, and maybe not the smartest. Can I roll to see if I—
KAYA:	If that's how you wanna play it, yeah, absolutely! You can roll to see whether Bean decided to lock the ship.
LEAH:	Here's why: I feel like they're the type of person that, like, sometimes, but they—they're not a lock-it-every-timer, you know? And if they thought they were going for a quick jaunt, you know—I don't know.
KAYA:	I would suggest, then, that that would be an Insight roll.
LEAH:	They did not lock it. I’mma let you know right now—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oo-kay.
LEAH:	—based on what—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oo-kay.
LEAH:	—what number just came up. It's—
KAYA:	[overlapping] I really—
LEAH:	—not—
KAYA:	[overlapping] —want to know what that number was now.
LEAH:	It’s a two. A firm two!
KAYA:	[laughing, broken and stunned] Okay. Okay!
LEAH:	[conceding soberly] Yeah, that bitch is open.
KAYA:	Carver, what are you doing?
HUNTER:	Okay, so since it's unlocked—would Carver know this, or no?
KAYA:	The lock panel on the other end of the corridor is green.
LEAH:	I like the idea that we just hear like, [in a VI voice] “Welcome back, Bean” like [chuckling] really loudly as the door just like [makes door swoosh sound] open.
[HUNTER guffaws]
KAYA:	I would say that opening a door is probably like a free action in the Mass Effect universe, because you hit a button. So I will say that probably the guy ran up and was expecting to hack it, but then saw it was green and hit the button—and this is all happening very fast of course—and then, yes, you see the door open and you hear the Valkyrie VI chirp,
VI:	Welcome back, Bean!
[HUNTER laughing]
LEAH:	You just hear me go,
BEAN:	[exasperated] VI! Vi, NO! I’m not back!
HUNTER:	Obviously he's hit the button, the door is open, is he—has he gone in yet or do I have, like, a second?
KAYA:	No, he—no, you have you have a few seconds, he ran out of movement.
HUNTER:	Perfect. Can I attempt—and I don't know if this would work—can I attempt to shoot the panel to slam the door on him before he goes in?
KAYA:	I would need you to roll me a Repair check? 
HUNTER:	Repair.
KAYA:	Because this would require knowledge of where the mechanism actually is, ‘cause you wouldn't be shoot—’cause, remember, the lock panels are on the center of the door and they disappear when it opens? It's, like, projected when the door is closed. So you would actually have to know where—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—on the door to shoot.
HUNTER:	I have a plus five to Repair so we're gonna—
LEAH:	[overlapping] You got it—
HUNTER:	—hope, hope and pray—
LEAH:	[overlapping; getting hyped up] You got it. You got it. You got it.
HUNTER:	—that this goes okay!
LEAH:	[hyping intensifies] Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
HUNTER:	That is a nineteen plus five. Twenty-four. 
LEAH:	[explodes with excitement] Yeah! Y-y-y-yeah!
KAYA:	Yes, you know where to shoot it. It's the same—it's the same damn door across the whole damn galaxy.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Yeah it is!
KAYA:	You know where to shoot the fucker.
HUNTER:	[overlapping, proudly] I know my doors!
KAYA:	Now you have to actually shoot it—
HUNTER:	Fuck.
KAYA:	—is the thing.
HUNTER:	Okay, okay.
LEAH:	Okay! Okay! Okay! You got it!
HUNTER:	Okay.
LEAH:	You Got It Part Two: Electric Boogaloo!
HUNTER:	Okay. Okay, okay okay. So that is—I've still got the sniper, because I think my aim’s gonna be best with that. 
KAYA:	Yes.
HUNTER:	We're going to hope the dice work.
KAYA:	Because you have the extra knowledge of this, I'll say add a d6 for that. So you're up to five and I will remind you that there is the mechanic that if you choose to spend an Effort point, you could add another d6.
HUNTER:	Ooh. Okay, okay. I'm gonna keep with the five—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay.
HUNTER:	—first, ‘cause my plan is if I miss, if it's possible I'd like to use my Adrenaline Rush to try again.
KAYA:	Yeah, you can do that, yeah.
HUNTER:	Okay, cool, cool, cool. We're gonna go with five first and see how this—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay.
HUNTER:	—works. 
[sniper blaster sounds]
HUNTER:	That is a six, a five, a four, and then two twos. So four, five, six..
KAYA:	Okay. So four, five, six—and that's an average damage rifle, we just decided, right?
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	So that's ten damage. Okay, you hit it and it sparks, but it hasn't closed yet.
HUNTER:	Okay. Gotcha. Okay. Um…
KAYA:	Basically you see that—I mean, it's a mass accelerator round, the door is thick enough, like— his is an exterior door, right? This is an exterior door to vacuum and so it's thicker than your standard prefab shit. You haven't—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah.
KAYA:	—you haven't pierced through the entire—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—armour plating.
LEAH:	People take one look at that door: Damn, baby. That door is thi-yuck. 
[HUNTER & KAYA laughing]
KAYA:	You can use Adrenaline Rush and you can do it again if you want.
HUNTER:	Perfect. Yeah. I'd like to use Adrenaline Rush. …Would it be meta-gaming to ask how close it is to being shut if I shoot it… [laughing] Trying to decide if I should spend an Effort point.
KAYA:	[cackles] Yes, that would definitely be meta-gaming.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Ah, way to ruin my fun! No, I’m kidding— 
[KAYA chuckles] 
HUNTER:	—I’m kidding. I'm going to spend an Effort point and add a d6.
KAYA:	You do not get the health bar of the door—
HUNTER:	[overlapping with feigned disappointment] Man!!
KAYA:	—in your HUD!
[HUNTER giggling & KAYA laughing]
LEAH:	Let me tell you, that door looked healthy. Looks so healthy.
[KAYA’s laugh exits stage left]
HUNTER:	So the Effort points, how many do we start off with?
KAYA:	You start off with zero. It gets you—you add up to eight. If you get eight without taking any of them off, then you incur a Crisis, which will then give you a Scar.
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	So that's a character thing, but one for now is not gonna—you're certainly not going to tip the scales for now. Yeah.
HUNTER:	Oh, my god… Okay, yeah! I'm gonna do it.
LEAH:	[chuckles] I need cinematic music here.
[gun cocks, blaster shoots]
HUNTER:	Pray for the best. [nervous laughing] Okay, that is a six, a five, a four, a four. And then a two and a one. So six, five, four, four.
LEAH:	Let's go.
KAYA:	Your second shot pierces it and the door slams shut…and the lock panel doesn't even show up. The doors just shut. Ya done broke it.
HUNTER:	Perfect. Hey, if we can't get it, nobody gets it! 
[KAYA giggles]
BEAN:	I'll fix it later. Great job!
HUNTER:	[chuckling] I just love the idea of like pep talk mid-like—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Mid-battle?
HUNTER:	—that I'm just picturing Bean being like, “What the fuck? Wait! No, that's okay.” And I'm just like—just thumbs up. Just: yeah!
LEAH:	I love the consistency—
[KAYA cackles]
LEAH:	—of the thumbs up.
KAYA:	These are your versions of your combat banter. [mimics Bean] “Don't worry, I'll fix it later.” 
[LEAH & HUNTER giggling]
HUNTER:	Perfect. Well, I think… I think that's my turn.
KAYA:	Okay, you can move if you want, but you can also stay back with Bean.
HUNTER:	Oh, that's right. Yeah, I wanna—I wanna punch this dude again. I'mma keep going after him.
KAYA:	Okay. So you will… you'll close—you're probably within about fifteen feet of him at this point—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Perfect.
KAYA:	—thereabouts. So you're not quite in melee range yet, but you're real close. Okay, Bean, your turn.
LEAH:	Inspired by Carver, Bean is gonna look at the—these silly little numbers. Just gonna reload their little pistol and just point it straight at that [giggling] thing and like… let's go!
HUNTER:	“That was a good idea!”
LEAH:	Yeah! Yeah. Like, that was pretty smart.
KAYA:	So… so let me get this straight. You—are you shooting at the locking mechanism for the door back into Omega?
LEAH:	Like, not the door. But like the thing that I was trying to hack, I'm like, “Let's just break it.” Because then they can't—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay.
LEAH:	—open it, right?
KAYA:	[overlapping; full on Matt Mercer “you can certainly try!”] Okay! Alright!
LEAH:	‘Cause, does that make sense?
KAYA:	[overlapping] Alright!
LEAH:	Wait. Hold on.
HUNTER:	I—hey, I'm, I'm tracking… But you know the meme, it's like: “It always be two dumb bitches telling each other ‘Exactly!’”
LEAH:	[overlapping; sharing the same brain cell] “Exactly!” Exactly, bro!
HUNTER:	—so take it for what you will but I’m tracking with you.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Wait, wait, wait. But like Bean knows–
KAYA:	[overlapping] I—?
LEAH:	—Bean knows machinery, so does this actually make sense— 
KAYA:	Mm hmm? 
LEAH:	—or would this not do that?
KAYA:	Well, you are…are you trying to shoot the haptic interface of the hacking thing? ‘Cause I’m not sure that works.
LEAH:	[questioning their chances] Hmm.
KAYA:	I think it will just fizzle.
LEAH:	It'll just fizzle? Okay.
KAYA:	But you can do it.
LEAH:	[overlapping; elongated] Well, I, so—
KAYA:	I'm not gonna stop you from doing it—
LEAH:	[overlapping] No, that’s fucked—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] No, that’s okay!
KAYA:	—that.
LEAH:	I was thinking it would, like, stop them from being able to interact with—ope—like the actual, like… It wouldn't break the door, but it would break the thing that would let them open the door.
KAYA:	Well, okay, then I will do for you what I did for Carver—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—roll me Repair.
LEAH:	I got that.
KAYA:	And then you will know where to—so Carver was lookin’ for the closing mechanism. You're looking for the locking mechanism.
LEAH:	Yes.
KAYA:	So yeah, roll me a Repair.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Okay, I'm rolling. O-kay… It is another number that I have already rolled.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Oh no.
LEAH:	It is yet another two.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oh, no.
HUNTER:	Oh, I thought you were gonna say one.
KAYA:	[overlapping, elongated] No!
LEAH:	No, no, it's not quite there. But it is another two. And I'm just feeling [straining facetiously] so blessed, so, mmm, hashtag blessed today! And—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Oh dear.
LEAH:	My Repair is a plus nine.
HUNTER:	[excited] Oh?
LEAH:	So it's an eleven. 
[KAYA gasps dramatically in the background] 
LEAH:	It's—some might say—above average, even.
KAYA:	[apologetic] The DC was twelve.
HUNTER:	[gutted] No!
LEAH:	Realising that I do not know what to do here, can I pivot? Or is that my action?
KAYA:	Well, sure, sure. So I'll give you—no, I'll give you… what happens on—I’ll say what happens on eleven is you go, “Fuck this shit. I don't need to do this with the letter bullshit. I can just shoot it!” 

And then you look around and you're like, “Goddamnit,” it's just different enough that you think you know where it should be, but it's not where you expect it to be, and there's still gunfire going on in that—in outside, so you're like, “You know what, maybe let's do something different.”
LEAH:	Okay.
KAYA:	And then yes, I'll say it, like, that was—thinking is a free action.
LEAH:	We love, we love free thinking.
KAYA:	[chuckling] So, yes, you still have, you still have your turn. Yeah.
LEAH:	Instead then, I—how far away this, this little thievery, this little man?
KAYA:	About fifty feet, ‘cause you're at one end of the corridor and he's at the other end of the corridor.
LEAH:	Okay. I am going to [quick, running breaths] hustle my way over [chuckling] by thirty feet closer to him, yeah. And going to cast Stasis once more.
KAYA:	Yeah. Okay. You have—you have frozen his ass.
HUNTER:	Yeah! 
KAYA:	You hear more gunfire outside and the turian can't do anything, so now it's Carver’s turn.
HUNTER:	I love the idea of you're just like “this little guy”, he's like what? He's a foot taller than me, so he's 6’7 and you're like—
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah.
HUNTER:	This little… little man.
LEAH:	He’s a fully adult turian. [goofy laughing]
HUNTER:	So this is I'm kind of—I'm thinking crazy here—
LEAH:	[overlapping] Let's go!
HUNTER:	—since he’s… ‘cause how close are the other two to the door now?
KAYA:	They should be just about outside the door. You have the op—you could look for them—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
KAYA:	—if you wanted? But…
HUNTER:	Perfect. Okay, I might. I might have cooked. Okay.
KAYA:	That'd be up to you if you wanted to actually look, because you could probably see like, it would be not a great view because you're going through two layers of transparent steel, but you might be able to see what's going on.
HUNTER:	Gotcha. Uh… so since he's frozen with Stasis…
KAYA:	Mm hmm?
HUNTER:	I don't know if this would work… Would I be able to, like, disarm him and essentially like…hold him? Like try to, like subdue him so when they come through the door, I can be like, you know, like, “Put your guns down!” type deal. Like ‘frontier justice’ his ass.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah, uh, yeah. I'll let you do that, yeah.
HUNTER:	Perfect.
LEAH:	Let's go. Let's go.
KAYA:	Yeah, yeah, that’s fine, yeah.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay, what do I have to do to do that?
KAYA:	I would like you— [thinking out loud] You can do it, because he is Stasis’d and he cannot react and you are not doing damage to him. 
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	When he comes out of Stasis in the next—at the next turn or when he takes damage, it'll be a contested Athletics check to see if you can hold him.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay.
LEAH:	You're, like, strong. You're a soldier. Yeah! You're—you got it.
HUNTER:	Yeah, I got a plus three. Yeah, fuck it! Yeah! Okay, cool.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Yeah! Oo-rah!
KAYA:	For the moment, you guys are out of combat because there's no immediate folks shooting at you, so you'll have about a minute before this guy—before the Stasis ends, we'll say.
LEAH:	I have a question about Stasis.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Absolutely, uh huh.
LEAH:	When you inflict Stasis upon someone… it doesn't, like, freeze their thoughts, like they're still conscious, right?
KAYA:	No. No, they're still conscious. It just freezes their movement.
LEAH:	Okay, but they can still like, hear and sense everything the same way?
KAYA:	Yeah! Yeah, I would say so.
LEAH:	Then I'm going to run up and—
BEAN:	[elongated; ruthlessly mocking their stayed foe] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh, we gotcha! [elongated] We gotcha. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, rah! Eat it. You ain’t shit! Gotcha, bitch!
LEAH:	And I'm going to prepare my weapon and stand beside Carver.
[UNTITLED REAPER GAME ADVERTISEMENT]
VO:	It is a beautiful day and you… are a horrible Reaper. 
[Reaper sound]

You make your way around this quaint village and get to know its occupants. Make new friends. 
[Reaper sound; villager screaming]

Visit new locations. 
[crowded room noises, Reaper sound, cricket noises] 

[threatening] Take what is yours.
VILLAGER 1:	Can I help you? 
[Reaper sounds] 
VILLAGER 1:	Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Fuck. Nope.
VO:	Become the new overlord.
VILLAGER 2:	Hey, I thought I told you to— 
[Short Reaper sound] 
VILLAGER 2:	What? 
[Short Reaper sound] 
VILLAGER 2:	I said—  
[Reaper sound] 
VILLAGER 2:	Alright, shit! Go ahead, I guess.
VO:	BUT, whatever you do, do not interrupt the goose. 
[goose and Reaper sound battle] 

Untitled Reaper Game. Coming to you next—  
[elongated Reaper sound]

[sounds of gunfire]
KAYA:	Okay, you guys hear more gunfire outside. I would like you both to roll me a Perception.
HUNTER:	That is an eighteen plus five, so twenty-three.
KAYA:	Okay. What about you, Bean?
LEAH:	A fourteen.
KAYA:	Okay, you both notice as you look through as you—well, Carver, I think you notice first because Bean is mocking the living daylights out of this poor Stasis’d turian. 

You notice first that you see the batarian and the human…they're firing the wrong direction? Like, they're firing back down the corridor? And then as I assume, like, Carver, like, nudges Bean and says “Hey, hey, something's going on here.” 

And as Bean turns to look, the batarian's head disappears in, like, a puff of blood and brains.
LEAH:	[overlapping] Oh my God. Uh… [laughs uncomfortably] Literally—
KAYA:	[chuffed and amused] This translates so well to an audio medium, as I've stunned both of my players.
LEAH:	I was like, I can't tell if this is good… or bad. It could be a very bad thing—ooh, there's always a bigger fish.
HUNTER:	As soon as you said the wrong way I was like: “No!”
KAYA:	Okay, what are you two doing? You probably got about thirty seconds before the turian ‘wakes up’, as it were.
HUNTER:	Hmm. Uh. I'm—hmm. I'm going to turn to the turian. I know he can't answer right this second because he's Stasis’d, but I'm going to be like... 
CARVER:	So…you were fucking with us. Who? Who—who's fucking with you?
KAYA:	His eyes kind of like, there's this tiny little flicker of movement towards—towards you. Like it's, it—he can't move them all the way, but like there's just this little… [exertion noise]
BEAN:	[exasperated] He can't respond, Carver…
LEAH:	And I'm going to push my way over to the little door panel, and I'm gon—I’mma try to repair it. My goal is to, like, tug the Stasis’d little turian— 
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah.
LEAH:	—and all of us back in there and actually lock it before whatever that is gets to us! So I'm going to try—can I roll to Repair?
KAYA:	Okay, yeah. Roll me a Repair, yep.
LEAH:	Please don't embarrass me again…I rolled a four.
KAYA:	Oh my God.
LEAH:	I don't know what's wrong with me. But it's plus nine, so it's thirteen, [singing] which is above a twelve!
HUNTER:	Okay. 
KAYA:	Yes and yes. And seeing as this is—yeah, so you're—it's gonna take you a couple of minutes. Carver shot it up pretty good, but you can—you can fix it, It’s just gonna–it’s just gonna take you a couple minutes.
LEAH:	A couple of minutes? Do we have a couple of minutes?
KAYA:	[unholy glee] Well, you better!
LEAH:	Ugh, I—I’m gettin’ to work! I like the idea that Bean obviously is really competent with Repair, but is just so frazzled based on the everything that has happened in the last thirty minutes or whatever, that their fingers are just shaking.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah dude.
BEAN:	[elongated] Ugh. I don't like Omega.
KAYA:	Carver, are you watching what's going on in the other corridor?
HUNTER:	Can I see? Or is my view, like, really obstructed?
KAYA:	Well, it's kind of blurry because you're seeing it through sort of two separate panes of plexisteel, right? 
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Two layers.      
KAYA:	You can’t see well, but it’s been like, maybe ten seconds since batarian buddy got merc’d and so you can still see the human there, or I mean—I'm saying batarian, but you probably can't tell which one is which through here because they probably look pretty similar—but one has been killed. Meta level, it was the batarian. And now, as you're watching, the second one, like, jerks back and disappears out of sight, like, is felled, as it were.
HUNTER:	Gotcha.
KAYA:	Okay. What are you doing?
HUNTER:	Am I able to get any kind of angle on what was attacking them or like—that's all I can see, it's just that?
KAYA:	[overlapping] No. That's all you can see from, that's all you can see from there.
HUNTER:	They're down, okay.
LEAH:	[elongated] Ooh.
HUNTER:	Um. Fuck, what do I want to do? So is the, is the turian awake now—or not awake, but is he un-Stasis’d, or is he still under?
KAYA:	Any second now. Any second now.
HUNTER:	Okay, [elongated] Um, can I like—it's gonna sound so stupid, I'm sure. Can I, like, time it to where as soon as he comes out of Stasis…I like, kick in the back of his, like, kneecap to where he gets like brought down so I can have like—it's easier to, like, subdue him, and then ask him again like who he was fucking with?
KAYA:	[elongated] Uh, sure, sure. Um, I'm going to say—I'm going to say take five Renegade for doing that.
HUNTER:	[overlapping; instant regret] Whoa, oh, okay.
LEAH:	[overlapping; getting saucy] Carver is a bad boy!
KAYA:	And you’re gonna roll Athletics at advantage and I'm going to roll Athletics at disadvantage…because yeah, he's coming out of a biotic attack and you are prepared and ready and taking out his—the back of his knees. So I'm going to roll… Wow! Okay.
HUNTER:	Is that a good wow or a bad wow?
KAYA:	I rolled two twos.
HUNTER:	Oh! Lovely. Okay, cool.
LEAH:	[elongated] Yo! Welcome to Bean’s world. [giggles]
HUNTER:	You said Athletics, right?
KAYA:	Yeah, Athletics. Yeah.
HUNTER:	Okay. So that, that is an eighteen on the first roll. I'm just going to leave that.
KAYA:	Okay. Yeah, alright, yeah. 
LEAH:	[overlapping] It could be a nat twenty yeah!
KAYA:	No, no. Do the next one just in case it's a nat twenty, man.
HUNTER:	HOLY SHIT IT I—no I’m kidding, it’s a nine.
[everyone laughs]
LEAH:	[overlapping] Kick out his knee—
KAYA:	We'll take the eighteen. 
HUNTER:	Okay, okay.
KAYA:	Okay. Yeah, he comes out…you kick his knees in—and how are you holding him?
HUNTER:	Um. So I've got like, kind of like a headlock...
KAYA:	Mm hmm.
HUNTER:	And I'm like, I lean in like to his ear and be like—
CARVER:	I'm going to ask you again. Who are you fucking with?
KAYA:	Carver is an N7.
HUNTER:	Yes.
KAYA:	So, I’m going to say that Carver has definitely trained in how to disable other species.
HUNTER:	Yeah.
KAYA:	You have got this turian by the fringe…and you are bending a mandible back.
HUNTER:	[horror] Oh my God. Okay?
KAYA:	So it's like, it's the equivalent of like, bending a finger back sort of deal.
LEAH:	Bean just, like, shivers, just, like, turning around as they're like, mid-hack. Seeing this, is like [elongated] ugh– 
BEAN:	[stutters] Please don't do that to me like, ever. Ever.
KAYA:	I'm not so sure about these new friends.
HUNTER:	Wait, [elongated] no…! Can I change my mind? Naw, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
KAYA:	And you probably have, you've probably got a leg around so that you're trapping one of his spurs. 
LEAH:	[elongated] Oh.
HUNTER:	[Okay.
KAYA:	He's armored and so it would be—it would be difficult to break a spur in that, like, through a hard suit, but it's a very effective way to disable him.
HUNTER:	I just want to disable him; just like, be like “Yo, what's going on?”
KAYA:	So that would be—you would know—I'm saying Carver would know that that would be how you would most quickly and most effectively disable a turian. It's up to you how much of that you want to do.
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Okay. Uh, yeah, I just…I—all I wanna do is just kind of get a better hold on him so I can kind of subdue him, but I don't want to, like, break anything or anything like that.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Okay. How intimidating do you want to be? Like, do you want to be threaten—like if you move the wrong way, I will break your mandible off. 
LEAH:	[barking]
KAYA:	Or is it just a “I know where to hurt you; don't fuck with me.”
HUNTER:	The second one. I'm gonna insinuate, like, I could fuck you up, but I'm not gonna blatantly be like “You move an inch, you—just give me a fuckin’ reason.” I'm not gonna do all that, I'm just…
KAYA:	Okay. So you, like, you've got him by the fringe, you've got a hand on the side. You're probably like, threatening this but you're not—we're not at like ‘fingers bent back’ stage sort of deal.
HUNTER:	Right.
KAYA:	Okay. Roll me an Intimidate with advantage.
LEAH:	We took his gun too, right?
KAYA:	You did, yeah.
HUNTER:	Yeah, I did. [elongated] So Intimidate is minus one but advantage…let’s go. Uh, that's an eight, so…
KAYA:	And you act—it's actually going to be a plus zero because you have five Renegade points, which gives you a plus one.
HUNTER:	Okay, so, well plus—so the first one was an eight so…you said with advantage, right?
KAYA:	Yep.
HUNTER:	Big money, no whammies…uh, that is a nine, so not much better.
KAYA:	Yeah, okay. He rolled an eighteen Insight. So he's not—he doesn't move, but you can tell by the way, like he doesn't—well, actually, so… 

Bean, you can hear in his subvocals that he is not intimidated by Carver. He can tell that Carver knows how to hurt him, but he's seen worse. He's like, “Oh, this is just a shitty situation.” Like I just gotta—I'll be fine, right? This is this guy—
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Mondays, am I right?
KAYA:	Yeah, he—exactly! He's a merc on Omega. Like, really–
HUNTER:	Fair.
KAYA:	So yeah, Bean, you can hear that because he's—that's just subvocal communication happening all the time. But Carver, he kind of—he meets your eyes…and just, he just shrugs. 
MERC:	I don't know what you're talking about. 
KAYA:	What are you going to do?
HUNTER:	Smug motherfucker.
KAYA:	Oh yeah.
HUNTER:	Do I want to go more into Renegade? Uh…fuck it! I'm gonna pull ever so slightly. Not enough to fully break it, but I mean he's definitely feeling it. 
KAYA:	Yep.
HUNTER:	And then I'm just going to get, like—I know last time I said I got close to him, but like now I'm like, I'm like in your walls, motherfucker. Like I'm on his ear or whatever—and I'm like… Carver is gonna, he's gonna go down be like—
CARVER:	Do. Not. Fuck with me.
KAYA:	Okay. I’ll give you two options here.
HUNTER:	Okay. 
KAYA:	You can roll me a straight Intimidate with no bonuses against his original Insight…
HUNTER:	Okay.
KAYA:	…or you can spend an extra Effort point to get yourself five more Renegade points—essentially, I'm asking if you want to take the lower right option on the dialog wheel, or you're going to take the lower left. Like the, the Renegade Renegade option.
HUNTER:	I—alright, hmmm.
LEAH:	[elongated, nervously] Ugh God.
KAYA:	But taking the Renegade option wi—you get five more Renegade points which will give you a plus two to your Intimidate, so a plus one. Or you just take it straight as is.
HUNTER:	I’m gonna go straight as is. I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna build up a bunch.
KAYA:	Okay.
HUNTER:	It’s gonna bite me in the ass, I know it. But alright—
KAYA:	Okay.
HUNTER:	So you said… wait, hold on—you said against his original, which was an eighteen right?
KAYA:	Which is an eighteen, correct.
HUNTER:	Ugh, fuck. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Come on.
KAYA:	If you take the Renegade option—if you take the Renegade option, I will reroll the Insight.
HUNTER:	[elongated] Ooh, don't tell me that! I'm a gambler!
KAYA:	Let me sweeten the pot for ya! 
HUNTER:	No, no. I'm sticking with it. I'm—I’m—
LEAH:	You’ve got a fifteen percent chance to beat it, dude.
HUNTER:	It's just like, it's like—like someone who's like “I'm leaving! I'm leaving the casino. I'm done.” It's like [coaxing] “I got $20 in free play!” It's like, “You son of a bitch! I'm in.” [debating] Um, no, I'm—I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep with the original.
KAYA:	Okay. Okay.
HUNTER:	I'm gonna hope and pray I've beat an eighteen. 

That is a natural twenty.
KAYA:	[overlapping; ecstatic; elongated] Oh! Fuck!
LEAH:	[overlapping; over-the-moon] Fucking yeah! Let’s go!
HUNTER:	I told you, I'm a gambler baby! I got the itch—I’m a ga—
KAYA:	Okay, alright. This is perfect, I love this. Okay… 

You hear the creak of the mandible as you’re—
HUNTER:	[immediate regret] Oh God.
KAYA:	—as you’re pulling back. And Bean, you hear this guy’s subvocals shrill. It hurts. That motherfucker hurts. And it's like, it is half a second, you hear—you hear that pain shift to “fuck it, this isn't worth any amount of money.” And that's all this subvocal communication. So, Carver, you don't hear that; Bean, you do.
BEAN:	Carver—
KAYA:	Carver, you get it. He jerks in your hands, ‘cause that hurts.
HUNTER:	Right.
KAYA:	And he says—
MERC:	Fuck! Fine!
KAYA:	And it's sort of, it's a little like…he's—you're holding half his—or a quarter of his jaw, right? Like, he can't talk perfectly.
LEAH:	[overlapping; horrified] Oh my God. Oh God.
KAYA:	The door opens. 
MERC:	It was Cerber—
[sniper shot; wet pop]
KAYA:	And his head explodes. 

High caliber sniper rifle shot explodes, like, right between the eyes. You are covered in blue blood and brains and bits of plate. Bean, you probably are too, but a little bit less so. 

And the body slumps to the ground as you both look up to see a human woman with a long brown braid and dark skin.
WOMAN:	Thought you might need a bit of a hand.
KAYA:	She's wearing blue armor.
HUNTER:	Fuck, firstly. Um…
LEAH:	[please God] Am I anywhere close to getting this door open?
KAYA:	Roll me another Repair.
LEAH:	Fuck me! Um, it's a six, and then I add eleven, it's a fifteen!
KAYA:	Okay, yes. That's more than enough because the DC went down because you've already done some repair on it. And so, yes, that's enough. You fix the door and it slides open. It kind of, like [grinding mechanical door noise] but it slides open, it's an old Omega door. 
LEAH:	Okay.
KAYA:	Oh, and I should say that the lady at the door, she's got, like, the—it's a Mantis she's holding now in one hand and doing like the super cool, like, lifting it up beside her thing as she walks in th—yeah, like the very Charlie's Angels sort of deal.
LEAH:	Bean's gonna swallow, internally acknowledge that she's hot, and then try and… [stammers] It's open? It's open? Is it open?
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah, it’s open. Yeah, it’s open, yeah.
LEAH:	Okay! I'm just gonna grab Carver and just yank him in and try to—try to like, close the door—I'm like, I am done. I am done!
KAYA:	Okay, okay, this is how we're gonna resolve this. Carver, are you willing to be pulled? If you are not, this will be a contested Athletics check.
HUNTER:	[elongated] Oh. I kinda wanna figure out who she is. I'm not gonna lie to you.
KAYA:	If you are torn, like, you're like—so, ‘cause I imagine, like, you wanna listen to your friend; like, you’re concerned for Bean—I will let you set the DC. How about that? Let's do it that way. You set the DC for how hard Bean has to pull to get you in.
[LEAH laughs]
HUNTER:	[elongated] Oh. I don't want to do it. [elongated] No. Okay. Am I—before this happens, am I able to like, figure anything out just like, by appearances? Like, am I able to do any kind of like, Perception check?
KAYA:	Roll me a Perception. I will say that you've got a few seconds while Bean is frantically trying to, you know, through blood spatter, finish fixing the door. While Bean is finishing the door, you can take a look at what's going on.
HUNTER:	Okay, okay. It's an eleven plus five, so sixteen.
KAYA:	Okay, you take a look at her and…there's not a whole lot else to see, but you glean pretty quick that she's obviously really good with her rifle. She knows what she's doing. The rifle is well cared for, her hard suit is well cared for, but it doesn't look new, like, it looks used. She's taken care of it. It's got a few scuffs on it, but, like, it's been repaired. 

She's got a scar. Over top of her left eye that you can see because it's, like, a little bit silvery on her darker skin. Her hair is quite dark, like I said, and it's in that long braid, so it's definitely not military like, she—she is not military.
HUNTER:	Gotcha.
KAYA:	The armor is, like I said, it's blue. It doesn't have any distinguishing markings on it. You definitely don't recognize her. Her accent is reasonably familiar, but you know that that accent shows up all around the human diaspora, so it's not like she's from your world.
HUNTER:	Gotcha.
KAYA:	Dark hair, dark skin, pretty dark eyes. She's too far away for you to get more—so she's been, she's walking towards you, which is why you can see her eye color at all. Otherwise, you know, fifty feet, too far.
HUNTER:	Right.
KAYA:	She is totally nonchalant, doesn't appear to have gotten a scratch on her from trading gunfire with the mercs in the hallway. Yeah, she doesn't appear to be at all bothered by the fact that she just murdered three people. 

She's not pointing the gun at you guys. She seems friendly…like, in that she's not trying to kill you. She doesn't seem non threatening.
HUNTER:	I…want to talk to her, I'm not gonna lie. So if I'm setting the DC, I'm going to put it—I'm going to say the DC is a thirteen.
LEAH:	I rolled a natural twenty.
KAYA:	Oh [elongated] shit! 
[HUNTER laughs]
BEAN:	Come on!
CARVER:	Bean, wait.
BEAN:	No! She just killed like, I don't…[stammers] I don't know how—I don't know how many people. Come on!
CARVER:	Bean…ugh, fine.
KAYA:	I assume Bean slams the door behind you.
LEAH:	Yep.
KAYA:	You locking it?
LEAH:	Yep. I'm actually gonna do that this time.
HUNTER:	[cackling] Just leaves it unlocked after all of that.
BEAN:	Vi, play “Nobody's home.” 
LEAH:	And. I'm—I'm gonna assume there's just like a interaction that's like, “No one is home,” like, inside, hiding in front of the door, despite the fact that we just—
[LEAH and HUNTER cackle]
CARVER:	Bean. She just saw us, [attempting not to break character and laugh] why would you say no one is home?
BEAN:	I don't—don't…I don't wanna…I don't want to talk to her. 

Today is not a good day, and I don't like the people here. And I don't like who we are here. I don't—I don't… I don't like how you talked to him. And I know that he wasn't doing good stuff, and I know that he wasn't right either, but I don't—I didn't like it. 

And I think I… I—I—I think… I don't know that I am good here.
CARVER:	Bean, I was only trying to protect us. I'm sorry.
BEAN:	[overlapping] I know, I know. I'm not– I'm not tryin—I'm not upset with you? I just… I'm—I came with y’all ‘cause I wanted to help. And I—I think that Zyn, you know, seems like a… a good little, little jelly and I—I think deserves to get their stuff back. 

I think, I think you're a good little jelly too and I just—I just want to make sure that we're being careful about how we go about things…because there's—there's the right way and—and there's an easy way sometimes, and I just…I've seen the easy way a lot, and I'm not here for that.
CARVER:	I understand.
BEAN:	Are—are we cool?
CARVER:	Of course.
BEAN:	Okay, I'm sorry. I'm just, I think I was really stressed out and I reacted badly and um… If you want to go talk to her, I just needed to reset, and I don’t…Or, can we like, maybe not do this now, but, like, send a letter? I won't write it, but, like, to meet up and explain—like maybe she can, you know, meet us at, like, a coffee shop where there's not…viscera everywhere? I don't know.
HUNTER:	Fair, yeah, we're still like, covered, aren't we?
KAYA:	Oh yeah. [elongated] Oh yeah.
HUNTER:	Oh yeah.
KAYA:	Yeah, it's—but like, you're—you're dripping, Carver.
HUNTER:	[oh God] Lovely.
KAYA:	Were you wearing your helmet, or no?
HUNTER:	Um, no, I don't think I was. I had the armor, but I don't think I had the helmet on.
KAYA:	Yeah, you've got bits of turian in your hair.
LEAH:	[ew] Not “dripping”... 
KAYA:	Yeah. ‘Cause like you, you had him right here, and she headshot him right here.
LEAH:	That makes what I just said to him… even worse.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah!
HUNTER:	Yeah.
KAYA:	[far too happy about this] Beautiful shot!
HUNTER:	Oh, that's so terrible.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yeah!
HUNTER:	Jesus….
LEAH:	Yep… yep!
HUNTER:	[overlapping] Yeah.
KAYA:	The things that don't happen in video games.
LEAH:	Bean’s a little freaked out by the fact that you are just covered in turian right now.
HUNTER:	[holding back a laugh] Um. Okay, uh… sorry, I got a little distracted by the… [LEAH giggles] aforementioned “turian bits.” What was the last thing that Bean said?
KAYA:	Bean offered like, could we—could we tell her that we're gonna meet some other time, basically?
HUNTER:	Uh, yeah.
KAYA:	When we're not covered in bits.
LEAH:	Yeah. 
HUNTER:	So, on the ship, is there like an equivalent to—’cause I'm assuming this woman has still been, like, walking towards us this whole time?
KAYA:	I imagine so, yes.
HUNTER:	Is there like, an equivalent of like—like an eye hole on like a front door of like a house? Like peek out and be like—
KAYA:	That will depend on whether or not Bean has an airlock door camera installed, which is up to Bean.
LEAH:	Yes? I'm assuming it's not good quality, but it's like a little webcam that's in the corner and it just like—it's the kind that you can move—it's like, basically one of those nanny cams where you can move the head, like, zip it around. Like [camera zoom noises] pivot it towards the person.
KAYA:	Okay. So yes, I'll say that there's a little console, like, beside the door that you can see the super grainy feed from the airlock cam on. And yeah, you catch sight of it, you see her and she's standing at the door, kind of looking a little bit bemused, you guess. You can't really read her face because it's grainy, but she's just kind of standing there with her head tilted, yeah.
HUNTER:	Okay, I'm assuming there's a microphone like, like a Ring camera that you could like, speak through it.
KAYA:	[overlapping] Yes! Nanny cams, you can do that too.
HUNTER:	Yeah. Yeah. So I'm—I'm going to go to the panel, like kind of tap the microphone a few times, be like—
CARVER:	Hello! Uh… 
HUNTER:	Just try to be like, pleasant as possible, be like— 
CARVER:	Sorry for the, um, quick exit. Uh, could you—could we meet at a later date? We have had a long day. Thank you, uh, again, for the help, but could—could we just have…uh…time?
HUNTER:	Like, Carver doesn't know what to like, think about this. He’s like stumbling over everything but trying to like, seem like—like I'm calm, cool, collected...
LEAH:	And the—the VI is just still like “No one's home, no one's here.”
HUNTER:	Sorry you missed us! We just stepped out. Could you leave a message? Naw, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. 
[LEAH and KAYA laugh]
KAYA:	[high-pitched and dismissive] “Nobody's home!” [normal] Yeah. So you say this through the intercom and you kind of see, like, her shoulders rise and fall a couple times like she's laughing quietly. And then through the speaker, her tinny voice says.
WOMAN:	[sympathetic] Oh yes, I entirely understand. It's all a bit much, isn't it? Tell you what. I'll leave my details with your VI and we'll meet at Afterlife later. Don't worry: my name will get you in.
KAYA:	And she lifts her arm. You can see the vague shape of the omnitool flash in the camera. And the VI announces—
VI:	Contact added to database!
CARVER:	Yes. Uh, thank you!
KAYA:	She waves at the camera, says…
WOMAN:	Cheerio! 
KAYA:	…and leaves.
HUNTER:	What an attitude for someone that has just decimated three people just like “Oh yes! Yeah, it's understandable!” Just, like, nonchalant. 

So I'll turn away from the panel and like, walk back towards Bean. 
CARVER:	Okay, she's gone. If you'd like, I can go speak to her later. I—we can…you don't have to go if you're not comfortable. Whatever you would like to do.
BEAN:	I feel like I don't… No, I should go. I'm not the kind to sit by and watch my friends go do hard things while I sit down. I appreciate the offer, I really do. 

We’ll take a—take a little spritz. We’ll tell the crew! Wait, oh God, ugh. You know what I just realized? 

Gratch is gonna be really mad he missed this.
HUNTER:	[cackling] Yeah, he will.
VI:	You have been listening to I Should Roll: Ride the Valkyrie, Episode Five: Two Small Town Colony Kids on Omega. Featuring the voices of Hunter LaPaglia as Carver Fairbank, Leah Ryan as Bean Ganian and Kaya Renwick as everyone and everything else. 

Music and sound effects are used under Creative Commons or royalty-free licenses. For the extended credits, please see the show notes, and for more information please visit ishouldroll.com.

Find us everywhere on social media at I Should Roll, and don't forget to leave us a review.

I Should Roll is an Intergalactic Improv Initiative production. This fan podcast is a transformative work and is not affiliated with Electronic Arts or BioWare.

Thank you for listening. Have a pleasant day.
 CARVER:	[overly suave] Fairbank. Carver, Fairbank. Corporal. 

So…you’ve made it to the end of this episode. Surely you weren’t going to leave without giving it a like or sharing it with your friends and family? 

Sure r— [normal tone] Ugh. Bean, are—are you sure about this? I don’t know what demographic you’re trying to get me to play into, but I’m quite sure I don’t want any part of it. 

This is not what I signed up for.
 BEAN:	No! [elongated] Shh. Keep going! Just—trust the vision. Okay?